Finding Joy in Connection

Healthy Relationships

LeoVullings. “Lighthouse Building.” Pixabay, 24 Nov. 2024, pixabay.com.

Every connection we have has the potential to be elevated through our relationship with Christ. He is our guiding light and gives us the blueprint for how we are meant to interact with everyone else in our lives.

Many of you may recall singing the hymn in church, “Awesome God”, where we declare proudly, “Our God is an awesome God; He reigns from heaven above with wisdom, power, and love; our God is an awesome God,”.

How often do we stop to realize the profound truth that this same awesome God desires to be our closest, most intimate connection?

We see a glimpse into the depths of his love in the verse that serves as the foundation of our faith:

“For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life” (John 3:16)

and here, that when we call him Savoir, he chooses to adopt us:

“Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God…” (1 John 3:1)

Our True North

He isn’t a distant deity or a hands-off creator. He actively pursues us,

“Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me.” (Revelation 3:20)

He desires a real, intimate relationship with us and, in doing so, redefines our status.

“No longer do I call you servants… but I have called you friends.” (John 15:15)

Through this divine friendship, we learn how to love others because he first loved us (1 John 4:19).

We also learn the beauty of reciprocity. Healthy relationships are a two-way street, a beautiful rhythm of giving and receiving, and drawing near to one another.

“Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.” James 4:8

When you look up the definition of the word “relationship,” it’s all about connection and communication: the way people talk to, behave toward, and deal with one another.

It’s about kinship and regular connection. God sets the ultimate standard for this by telling us

Jeremiah 31:3, “I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore, I have continued my faithfulness to you.”

It is through this love and faithfulness that we learn what a true connection is.

We also learn (which is particularly healing for those who did not learn this from their earthly father) what a good father He is, and that He desires to give us every good and perfect gift.

Jesus painted a beautiful picture of this in Luke 11, when asking if any earthly father would give their child a stone if they asked for bread, or a scorpion if they asked for an egg. He asks how much more our heavenly Father gives the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him. Talk about a gift. His Holy Spirit is our comforter, teacher, and constant companion.

Every meaningful connection in our lives starts right here, remembering that it’s never in our own striving; It is never about us. It is always about Him.

Loving with Healthy Boundaries

God has also given us the precious gift of family, whether that means our natural relatives or the family we find along the way, and through the blood of Christ.

Now, you’ll often hear people jokingly say, “Well, you can’t pick your family…” And it’s true! We live in an imperfect world, which means we have imperfect earthly families and imperfect friends who become family.

It is easy to point out others’ failings, but we are fallible human beings; nobody on this earth will ever love our families as perfectly as Jesus does. It is only by knowing Christ intimately that we can truly understand what a healthy relationship looks like, allowing Him to do the heavy lifting as we point our families’ eyes toward Him.

Having said that, learning to love people doesn’t mean allowing them unrestricted access to your heart.

During a particularly difficult season in my life, while God was doing a deep healing work in me. I was on a journey of forgiving others and myself (which was difficult). In particular, I was struggling with people who, despite my forgiveness, were not healthy to have around.

I chose forgiveness because I understood that I was also a flawed and imperfect human, and that the choice to forgive was about me and my relationship with Christ. Forgiveness is life-giving.

And then the question: After forgiveness, how do I love people who hurt me, as Christ does, although they had never and may never apologize, or acknowledge what they had done? And should I seek a close relationship with them afterwards?

So, I did what I did often back then: I picked up my cell phone and called my uncle, who happens to be a pastor and who has often acted as a surrogate father and friend. The lesson he shared next would be the beginning of a life-changing lesson for me about boundaries and “circles of trust.”

• The Inner Circle (The Few): This is modeled by Jesus’ tight-knit relationship with Peter, James, and John. These are mature, trusted people: like a spouse, children, or core walk-by-faith friends, with whom you share mutual burdens, deep accountability, and raw vulnerability (Galatians 6:2).

• The Outer Circle (The Many): Comprised of acquaintances, the general public, and the broader community of faith. Our boundary here is to show Christ-like love and respect, but with guarded disclosure and limited emotional investment.

There are many more layers, or circles of relationship and trust, not listed here, and it is important that we consistently take inventory of our relationships because they are constantly evolving.

Another shared truth that helped was how the Bible is very clear about toxicity and deception. Romans 16:17 commands believers to keep away from unrepentant deceivers or those who cause division. Setting boundaries against toxic behavior isn’t selfish; it honors God’s standard of holiness and protects your spiritual well-being.

After all,

Proverbs 4:23 warns us, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

Biblical boundaries not only apply to our circles of trust but to every aspect of our lives.

Jesus modeled grace with boundaries beautifully here as well,

In Luke 5:16, despite the massive crowds begging for His time and healing, “Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.”

He put a boundary on His availability so He could recharge with the Father.

In John 8, when dealing with the woman caught in adultery, He offered radical grace and protection from the crowd, but He also set a strict boundary for her future behavior:

“Go now and leave your life of sin.”

Boundaries aren’t about controlling others; they protect your heart, your energy, and your integrity so your “Yes” can be “Yes” and your “No” can be “No” (Matthew 5:37).

A Connected Body

Another key connection we are called to is being a part of the body of Christ—a complete, healthy, and fully functioning body.

Now, as a visual learner and sometimes quite literal person, I often ‘see’ things as I pray about them in a literal way. While talking to God yesterday about how we as the global Church sometimes function, I got this bizarre mental picture of two legs jogging down the road completely on their own, and later a nose hovering mid-air over a rose. It’s a little funny and a bit disturbing!

God wants us to live by Kingdom principles right here on earth, and there is absolutely no lack in His Kingdom, no disconnect. He is very clear that he has one body, not 15 different denominations (and I’m sure there are many more).

I remember being about 13 years old, and our youth group would occasionally meet with other churches for events. At many of the larger events, I noticed that the Baptists stayed with the Baptists, the Methodists with the Methodists, the Evangelicals with the Evangelicals, and so on.

Yet, when those of us who were younger actually sat down in smaller groups and talked, we realized we weren’t all that different! Yes, they thought the Pentecostals were a bit strange, and that’s fine; I was used to hearing that. But the point is, we had been conditioned by generations before us to segregate ourselves. We were functioning as fractured parts, not as a whole.

Thankfully, we are seeing more and more churches today comprised of all sorts of denominational backgrounds. Call me radical, but I long for the day when we are truly One Church. A Church defined by mutual support, where we

“bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2).

A Church defined by true unity, fulfilling

Psalm 133:1: “Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity!”

And a Church defined by constant encouragement, where we

“consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together” (Hebrews 10:24-25).

When we lay down our divisions and connect as a whole body, we find the true, radiant joy of community that God intended for His bride from the very beginning.

And most importantly, nothing is possible without Him, but all things are possible with Him!

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